it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
