i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
