She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize