I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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