I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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