laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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