I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
