i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
