I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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