I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
