He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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