dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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