Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
