I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
