i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
