Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
