1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
