ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
