I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
