you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
