I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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