He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
how drunk are you?
Several
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
