how can u be prego again
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
