There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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