Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
