oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The air taste purple.
Randomize