Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
