You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
