she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drake has all the answers
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