That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
