i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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