you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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