Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
