my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize