Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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