just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
