Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
