I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
