No stitches, just platelets and will power
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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