I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
