I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
