On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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