At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize