I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
