If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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