There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
