Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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