then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
