in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
