We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
