My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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