I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
