Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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