just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
