so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
