She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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