How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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