need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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