He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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