Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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