I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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