After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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