If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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