I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
