At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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