the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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