I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
