I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
