I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize