you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
