Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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