drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
