The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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