so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
