she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
