Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
