Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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