if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
