Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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