Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
