Small penises have feelings too.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My feet surprised me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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