Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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