Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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