So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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