Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
