Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
