Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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