I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
