Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
