so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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