i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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