I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
