if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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