you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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