the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
