You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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