he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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