god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
