five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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