I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
