please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
