when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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