Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
