dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
