she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
