I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
soo... how was my night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
