Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
