he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
