What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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