Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
