so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
